Listless

I've always been a big fan of lists. I kind of need them in order for anything to get done. Lately, I've been lacking on my lists, and hence, on getting anything done. Which sucks. A lot. Because instead of making lists, and getting things done, I worry. I worry about everything. I worry about what I could be doing and should be doing. I worry about what I've forgotten I need to be doing, and I worry about how in the hell I'm going to manage to remember those forgotten things. I also really like making lists of pros and cons. It's helpful to me to have the facts laid out in black and white, especially when I so often allow my emotions to cloud the obvious.

It's so funny, because even as I write this, I know the truth. I know the answer. I just choose not to acknowledge it (remember those damned emotions I mentioned earlier?). I don't need a list to know how my heart feels.

I started this post because I wanted to make a list; a list of positives and negatives for Elvis. Remember how I said we broke up? Well, we did. Sort of. I don't know how everyone else deals with break-ups but, at least for me, it isn't that easy. I don't really know how to quit people. I don't know how to see a frown and not pull out every weapon in my arsenal to turn it into a smile. I don't know how to give someone a gazillion chances, and once those chances are up, give them just a few more. I just don't. It's not in my genetics to give up so easily, especially on people, even when they don't deserve my time or my love. I wish I knew how to follow this:

Here's the thing: Elvis is not right for me. Plain and simple. He isn't Mr. Right, he's just Mr. Right Now. I do know that, I just need to completely accept that it's never going to be anything more and stop fighting it. I don't think that there is anything wrong with having fun for now, but I don't want to go trying to complicate things any further. So, screw lists for today, I already know what needs to be done. ♥